Feb

This Life Lesson Ain’t No Lie

by Janine Boylan on February 25, 2013

woman with long nose, illustrating a life lesson about telling lies

Lies tend to catch up with you.
© Thinkstock

Have You Lied Today?

I did, even though one life lesson I’ve surely learned is: Don’t lie.

I was at this restaurant where the service was impossibly slow and the food mediocre. I had to go into the kitchen to summon the server and request my check. When she sauntered out and gave me the bill, she asked: How was everything? My answer: Fine.

No, it wasn’t! But it was easier to tell a little lie than to have a confrontation.

According to a 2010 research study (Serota, Levine, Boster), on average, adults lie 11 times a week. Consider the US adult population of about 240 million x 11 lies a week x 52 weeks a year. You can see where the math is headed—we had 137 billion lies floating around in 2012! That’s 261,187 lies per minute.

No surprise. Lies have been with us since ancient times:

If Homer’s version of the Trojan War (circa 1184 BCE) is true, the Greeks told a whopper when they placed the big wooden horse at the gates of Troy and said it was a gift.
In ancient Rome at Ephesus, a grand library was built in 117 CE with an underground tunnel that led to a brothel. That way Romans could say they were going to the library when they had other plans.

Toy blocks spelling "lie" to highlight a life lesson about telling lies

Lies block healthy relationships
© Thinkstock

And so it goes up to modern times when

Runner Rosie Ruiz slipped out of the pack of runners in the 1980 Boston marathon, took the subway to a mile from the finish line, and then ran the last leg of the race to be the first across the finish line.
Popular 1990’s Grammy-winning pop band Milli Vanilli didn’t sing even a note on their albums.
Presidential candidate John Edwards denied an extramarital affair and fathering a child out of wedlock.
Investor Bernard Madoff scammed billions from investors in an enormous Ponzi scheme over more than ten years.

Lies come in all sizes. Some affect the course of history and some cause relationships to run their course.

Why Do People Lie?

It’s actually a lot of work to lie. You have to create a believable story, deliver it convincingly, and then remember all the details so you’ll never get caught. All that makes you anxious!

Once you start with a lie, it’s hard to stop. Likely, you’ll be caught, and then facing the consequences of your lie can be horrible. In some cases, it can ruin everything you’ve worked hard for. Just ask Lance Armstrong. Or Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. Or Marion Jones.

So, why do people lie?

To save face: Sorry I didn’t respond—I never got your text.
To look better: I was on the first string in high school.
To be nice: Your chicken stew is delicious.
To deflect or avoid blame: My husband made me late. Or: That green vase? No, I never touched it.
To avoid conflict: It wasn’t my decision, but I have to let you go.

See more everyday examples in Justin Barber’s clever “Truth and Lies” poster series.

Everyday lies can turn into a habit. Habits can lead to careers built on lies: No, I have never taken any banned substances.

disgraced biker, showing a life lesson about lies

Telling lies is stressful.
© Thinkstock

There’s a Good Reason Not to Lie

The Science of Honesty study, directed by Anita E. Kelly and and Lijuan Wang at Notre Dame, investigated links between lying and health.

Across ten weeks, one group in the study was directed to stop telling lies (both big and little), while the control group received no special instructions. Both groups answered questions weekly about their health and relationships and took polygraph tests about the number of lies they had told that week.

The results? The people in the study had an important Oh, I see moment. Both their health and relationships improved as they told fewer lies.

How Can You Change Your Ways?

According to experts, it may be easier than you think. Once you accept that everyone makes mistakes, you can make a short apology rather than a lot of excuses. It’s also easier to stand up and take responsibility for something that went wrong. And, as the participants in the Science in Honesty study advise, you can just decide to tell the truth about your accomplishments rather than exaggerating them.

Being truthful doesn’t mean that you have to be unkind either. Maybe you don’t so much like the fit and radiant green of your friend’s new pants, but you can zero in on something positive: Hey, you’ll stand out in a crowd!

Oh, I see. I can find ways to be more truthful. Next time I’m in a mediocre, sluggishly-paced restaurant and the server says How was everything?, I can answer honestly: Well, this will certainly be something to write about!

The Science for Honesty study, running from 2011-2013, is sponsored by the John Templeton Foundation.

Comment on this post below, or inspire insight with your own OIC Moment here.

Janine Boylan Comments

Life Lessons

Feb

Life Changing Moments: One Billion Rising in Paris

by Meredith Mullins on February 21, 2013

One Billion Rising in Paris
© Meredith Mullins

Stop Violence Against Women

A convergence of forces.

Start with . . .

An ongoing annual event on Valentine’s Day to stop violence against women and girls (organized since 1998 by Eve Ensler, women’s rights activist and creator of “The Vagina Monologues”).

Fuel it with . . .

Recent brutalities, including the gang rape of Jyoti Singh in India, the shooting of Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai, and the alledged gang rape of a young woman in Steubenville, Ohio, by members of the high school football team.

Punctuate it with . . .

A world cry that enough is enough.

Decide . . .

To make this year’s Valentine’s Day a global day of action.

Add . . .

Media momentum and star power (Jane Fonda, Anne Hathaway, Anoushka Shankar, Rosario Dawson, the prime ministers of Australia and Croatia, the Queen Mother of Bhutan)

The result: One Billion Rising—Life Changing Moments for the World

Flash Mob at One Billion Rising, a life changing moment to stop violence against women

Flash Mob at One Billion Rising in Paris
© Meredith Mullins

Valentine’s Day: One Billion Rising

What were the goals of One Billion Rising as it staged a global flash mob, dance, and revolution on Valentine’s Day 2013?

To raise awareness
To bring people around the world together with one voice, in one act of solidarity
To demand an end to violence against women and girls

And, indeed, One Billion Rising met its goals.

We delivered facts to raise awareness: One in every three women in the world will be raped or beaten—one billion women. This is an atrocity.

We came together, in countries all over the world. We danced. We talked. We smiled as if we’d known each other for a lifetime. We grew stronger with numbers.

We, in Paris, felt a bond with those who “rose up” in India, The Democratic Republic of Congo, Brazil, Somalia, the U.K., Nepal, South Africa, the Philippines, the U.S. and every other country in the world, all of which had group action set for the day.

With our voices strong, we asked for an end to violence against women and girls.

Dancer at One Billion Rising, a life changing moment to stop violence against women

Rise up and dance
© Meredith Mullins

Oh, I See

It is possible to raise awareness with a global event. It is possible to feel a unity, a bond, across vast physical and cultural distances, with song and dance and justified cause. The reward was a joyful OIC moment, but there was need for more.

Oh, I Wonder

At the Paris gathering, I asked people why they were there and what would come next. I was relieved to hear that most had a plan.

Many were already a part of organizations active in women’s rights issues. Many vowed to continue the fight for strong legislation. Many said they would take action every day to transform the world. All were committed to justice, equality, and respect.

Who wouldn’t be, you ask? Too many. That’s why we have to make our voices heard.

Participant in One Billion Rising raises the one billion sign in a life changing moment to stop violence against women.

One World; One Billion Rising
© Meredith Mullins

Oh, I Hope

The V-Day roar was loud and clear. For one brief shining moment our voices amplified the message. An energy emerged—worldwide—and it was powerful. Life changing moments occurred. But the news cycle is short.

Now, one week later, the voices are a little fainter. Where will they be one month from now . . . one year from now?

Was One Billion Rising enough?

No.

But it’s a start.

Now . . . it’s time to change the world.

Others involved in the movement to stop violence against women: One Billion Rising, Eve Ensler, RAINN, Amnesty International, The Advocates for Human Rights.

Comment on this post below, or inspire insight with your own OIC Moment here.

Meredith Mullins 3 Comments

France (Paris)/Making a Difference

Feb

Language Speaks Volumes About Cultural Differences

by Janine Boylan on February 18, 2013

Language can reveal so much about the values and priorities in a culture. That’s why I love learning about different languages and discovering the richness of cultural differences. Perhaps Rita Mae Brown best described the connection between language and culture when she said:

Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.

One Thousand Names

What would you call this animal? To me, it is simply a reindeer.

Reindeer, illustrating that languages reflect cultural differences

People in Norway rely heavily on reindeer like this one for transportation as well as for food. Owners need to easily identify their animals. So the people have developed very precise language to talk about the animals.

Dr. Ole Henrik Magga reports that, in the Northern Saami language in Norway, there are over 1000 words that each convey a precise description of a reindeer, based on its gender, age, and appearance. For example, the word váža is used to describe a full-grown female reindeer which has already had a calf. And a siekŋa-njunni is a reindeer whose hair around its nostrils is a different and unexpected color from the rest of its hair.

Oh I see! The details in language are a wonderful mirror of the culture in which the language grows.

Shades of Blue

In English, we use the word “blue” to describe all shades of the color from sky blue to deep indigo. The Russian language does not have a single word for blue, instead it separates blue into light blues (goluboy) and dark blues (siniy).

Lera Boroditsky has done a number of studies on language. She reports that it is easier for native Russian speakers to see the subtle differences in shades of blue because, since childhood, they have been calling the two blues by distinct names. Similarly, she found that people who grew up speaking English had greater difficulty distinguishing between differences in the shades of blue.

Oh, I see! The words you know can shape the world you see.

A Cell is a Cell (Or Is It?)

A mobile, a cell, a cellular, a portable—those are all words used to describe cellular phones in different parts of the word.

cell phone, illustrating that language speaks of cultural differences

In Sweden, another word for mobile phone is nalle, a teddy bear. The term was coined in the 1980s when portable phones were very expensive and only newly rich “yuppies” were able to buy them. People called the phones yuppienalle, the yuppie teddy bear, to mock owners and their expensive “toys.” But the teddy bear term stuck.

And, in Germany, the device is called a “handy.” One source says the name came from the Word War II “Handie Talkie,” the handheld walkie talkie the troops used. Since that time, the term has been used for various mobile devices, and today is synonymous with a mobile phone.

Oh, I see! Languages add new words all the time, and sometimes there’s a cultural spin.

Language is a wonderful window into cultural differences! What is the most interesting thing you have learned about a culture through its language?

Comment on this post below, or inspire insight with your own OIC Moment here.

Janine Boylan Comments

Cultural Diversity/Language & Culture/Worldwide Sites

World Views:

Topics

This Life Lesson Ain’t No Lie

Have You Lied Today?

Why Do People Lie?

There’s a Good Reason Not to Lie

How Can You Change Your Ways?

Life Changing Moments: One Billion Rising in Paris

Stop Violence Against Women

Valentine’s Day: One Billion Rising

Oh, I See

Oh, I Wonder

Oh, I Hope

Language Speaks Volumes About Cultural Differences

One Thousand Names

Shades of Blue

A Cell is a Cell (Or Is It?)