Feb

This Life Lesson Ain’t No Lie

by Janine Boylan on February 25, 2013

woman with long nose, illustrating a life lesson about telling lies

Lies tend to catch up with you.
© Thinkstock

Have You Lied Today?

I did, even though one life lesson I’ve surely learned is: Don’t lie.

I was at this restaurant where the service was impossibly slow and the food mediocre. I had to go into the kitchen to summon the server and request my check. When she sauntered out and gave me the bill, she asked: How was everything? My answer: Fine.

No, it wasn’t! But it was easier to tell a little lie than to have a confrontation.

According to a 2010 research study (Serota, Levine, Boster), on average, adults lie 11 times a week. Consider the US adult population of about 240 million x 11 lies a week x 52 weeks a year. You can see where the math is headed—we had 137 billion lies floating around in 2012! That’s 261,187 lies per minute.

No surprise. Lies have been with us since ancient times:

If Homer’s version of the Trojan War (circa 1184 BCE) is true, the Greeks told a whopper when they placed the big wooden horse at the gates of Troy and said it was a gift.
In ancient Rome at Ephesus, a grand library was built in 117 CE with an underground tunnel that led to a brothel. That way Romans could say they were going to the library when they had other plans.

Toy blocks spelling "lie" to highlight a life lesson about telling lies

Lies block healthy relationships
© Thinkstock

And so it goes up to modern times when

Runner Rosie Ruiz slipped out of the pack of runners in the 1980 Boston marathon, took the subway to a mile from the finish line, and then ran the last leg of the race to be the first across the finish line.
Popular 1990’s Grammy-winning pop band Milli Vanilli didn’t sing even a note on their albums.
Presidential candidate John Edwards denied an extramarital affair and fathering a child out of wedlock.
Investor Bernard Madoff scammed billions from investors in an enormous Ponzi scheme over more than ten years.

Lies come in all sizes. Some affect the course of history and some cause relationships to run their course.

Why Do People Lie?

It’s actually a lot of work to lie. You have to create a believable story, deliver it convincingly, and then remember all the details so you’ll never get caught. All that makes you anxious!

Once you start with a lie, it’s hard to stop. Likely, you’ll be caught, and then facing the consequences of your lie can be horrible. In some cases, it can ruin everything you’ve worked hard for. Just ask Lance Armstrong. Or Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. Or Marion Jones.

So, why do people lie?

To save face: Sorry I didn’t respond—I never got your text.
To look better: I was on the first string in high school.
To be nice: Your chicken stew is delicious.
To deflect or avoid blame: My husband made me late. Or: That green vase? No, I never touched it.
To avoid conflict: It wasn’t my decision, but I have to let you go.

See more everyday examples in Justin Barber’s clever “Truth and Lies” poster series.

Everyday lies can turn into a habit. Habits can lead to careers built on lies: No, I have never taken any banned substances.

disgraced biker, showing a life lesson about lies

Telling lies is stressful.
© Thinkstock

There’s a Good Reason Not to Lie

The Science of Honesty study, directed by Anita E. Kelly and and Lijuan Wang at Notre Dame, investigated links between lying and health.

Across ten weeks, one group in the study was directed to stop telling lies (both big and little), while the control group received no special instructions. Both groups answered questions weekly about their health and relationships and took polygraph tests about the number of lies they had told that week.

The results? The people in the study had an important Oh, I see moment. Both their health and relationships improved as they told fewer lies.

How Can You Change Your Ways?

According to experts, it may be easier than you think. Once you accept that everyone makes mistakes, you can make a short apology rather than a lot of excuses. It’s also easier to stand up and take responsibility for something that went wrong. And, as the participants in the Science in Honesty study advise, you can just decide to tell the truth about your accomplishments rather than exaggerating them.

Being truthful doesn’t mean that you have to be unkind either. Maybe you don’t so much like the fit and radiant green of your friend’s new pants, but you can zero in on something positive: Hey, you’ll stand out in a crowd!

Oh, I see. I can find ways to be more truthful. Next time I’m in a mediocre, sluggishly-paced restaurant and the server says How was everything?, I can answer honestly: Well, this will certainly be something to write about!

The Science for Honesty study, running from 2011-2013, is sponsored by the John Templeton Foundation.

Comment on this post below, or inspire insight with your own OIC Moment here.

Janine Boylan Comments

Life Lessons

Feb

Creative Ways To Say “I Love You”

by Meredith Mullins on February 14, 2013

Marvelous spatuletail has a creative way to say I love you and teaches us a life lesson in the process.

The Marvelous Spatuletail and his elegant tail feathers.
© Crawford. H. Greenewalt/VIREO

Valentine Love Stories Reveal Life Lessons

How can you send a meaningful Valentine’s message in a memorable way?

Chocolates

Flowers

Romantic dinner

Soul-revealing poem

Champagne toast

A truthful pledge to your loved ones that you think about them every day and not just on the Hallmark holidays?

As you ponder how best to show your love on Valentine’s Day, we offer some wacky/weird love stories and “Oh, I see” moments—creative ways to say “I love you” from our feathered and spiny friends.

Are there life lessons here? Read on . . .

The Marvelous Spatuletail: Good Looks Aren’t Everything

The Marvelous Spatuletail hummingbird really doesn’t need the word “marvelous” in his title at all. He just is. The male has elegant tail feathers, like a fluid Calder mobile or a hat at a British royal wedding.

His “tails” cross each other in graceful arcs and end with vibrant violet blue discs. He can move these feathers independently like an expert exotic dancer whirls her tassels.

The Marvelous Spatuletail is great looking. But does he rest on looks alone? Not a chance. He’s almost extinct in his native Peruvian forest-edge habitat (deforestation is the cause), so he gives the mating ritual his all.

He twirls. He spins. He flaunts his spatules. And, for the grand finale, he revs up and frantically waves his tail feathers as he hovers in front of a female. Hey, look at me! Hey look at me! Who could resist?

If video does not display, watch it here.

His dance is flashy and his tail speed impressive. Does he really need all that show?

Oh, I see. There can be good reasons to show off a little (not the least of which is preventing your own extinction). But there can also be more to love than flash (and tail speed). As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

The Bowerbird: Setting the Stage for Love

Some might call the bowerbird a perfectionist, or workaholic. But most will applaud his desire to make everything perfect for his mate. With the skill of an architect and the eye of a flawless interior decorator, his choices are thoughtful and thorough.

The bowerbird shows creative ways to say "I love you" and teaches us a life lesson about building a beautiful home.

The bowerbird hunting for tasteful decor for his bachelor pad
© Thinkstock

He builds an elaborate tower and then tastefully appoints his home with beetles, nuts, flowers, leaves, and pebbles, and all manner of shiny things.

These gathered treasures are neatly, and artistically, arranged by color to attract the female. If one thing is out of place, he gets fussy. No disorderly bachelor pad for him. Everything is categorized and organized.

When a potential mate is attracted by the treasure trove of decorations, the bowerbird begins his song and dance, hoping that his musical abilities (and interior design skills) will set just the right romantic mood.

Oh, I see. As Mother Teresa said:

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do . . . but how much love we put in that action.

(And a word of advice, Mr. Bowerbird. Lighten up, nobody likes a control freak.)

The Seahorse: A True Romantic

How can something so sharp around the edges and so full of spiny armor be so romantic at heart? Seahorses are just plain old-fashioned. They believe in courtship, slow dancing, and holding hands (well, holding tails).

A seahorse couple faces each other as they show creative ways to say "I love you."

Seahorse couples can be seen floating side by side, with their tails intertwined, or even floating face to face, where their bodies conveniently form a heart shape . . . to put them in the mood for love.

When the mating ritual begins, they dance gracefully, swirling around each other seductively, looking deeply into each other’s stony eyes.

Add to that the fact that seahorses are monogamous and the male carries the eggs until they’re hatched, and you have the ingredients for a perfect relationship.

Oh, I see. Romance, a faithful relationship, and a sharing of family responsibilities are hard to resist. Or, as Tom Robbins said:

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

A Valentine Vote

Men and women may have different views on what makes for a good valentine. Weigh in and check back to see how results shape up.

[polldaddy poll=6897170]Women, if poll does not display, take it here .

[polldaddy poll=6897408]Men, if poll does not display, take it here .

This Valentine’s Day, creative ways to say “I Love You” abound. All you need is a little imagination.

At the end of the day, though, love is what you make it. And . . . when all else fails, shake a tail feather, baby.

Video VIA Greg R. Homel and The American Bird Conservancy.

Quotes VIA Brainy Quote

See David Attenborough’s bowerbird video.

Comment on this post below, or inspire insight with your own OIC Moment here.

Meredith Mullins 2 Comments

Clever Ideas/Life Lessons/Quotes of Note

Jan

Bubble Wrap Has a Simple Life Lesson

by Janine Boylan on January 28, 2013

Bubble wrap, showing the life lesson that some things are just fun

It’s Fun to Burst My Bubble (Wrap)

Monday, January 28, is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. Bubble wrap is a great packing material for keeping breakables whole, but, really, who can think about bubble wrap and not think about popping it?

So I started to wonder, why do people love to pop bubble wrap? I researched and found theories that bubble wrap’s allure comes from:

Janine Boylan 7 Comments

Clever Ideas/Life Lessons

World Views:

Topics

Category Archives: Life Lessons